Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Well, for starters, he couldn't because he is missing a leg... But if he could, it would be to get away from the Chicken Lady..

Wha....??

CHICKEN LEG.....

Last week, when I had myself all tucked into bed, I noticed a lump in my pillow.

I began to squeeze the pillow and felt what seemed to be a chunk of wood. Curious as I am, I decided to open the pillow and find out what kind of hidden surprise was in store for me. I had a feeling that I was not going to be happy with my hidden treasure, but DAMN IT! My curiosity got the best of me..

This is a soft fluffy down pillow.. I love soft fluffy down!!

I got out the scissors and a trash bag (don't want the feathers to go everywhere) and commenced to cutting open the pillow.....

BIG MISTAKE!!

What I found was a nice 4" long petrified Chicken Leg.... A for real chicken leg with a gnarly foot. Okay, maybe it was goose, but for the sake of the story, I am calling it a chicken leg!!

Still Disgusting, no matter what type of poultry it was.

Here is this leg..... This DEAD petrified leg of a mite infested bird.. This leg that has been within 2 inches of my face for the past 6 months... OMG, do you realize how gross that is... I mean, I could have gotten sick, right?? It is dead flesh!!

I have since removed both pillows, mattress pad and comforter from my bed... It is all down/feathers. I know this might be a bit drastic, but YOU were not sleeping with a chicken foot in your face... The products came from different vendors, but at this point, I don't care!!!

It took me 3 attempts to disinfect my hand along with 2 showers in the middle of the night, to once again feel clean!!

and next

THE CHICKEN LADY....

About 3 weeks ago, I was staying in my usual motel in Connecticut.. I was on the phone with Bachelor # 1, so he witnessed the entire event. I had left the room, to get supplies out of the truck, and as I mentioned....was on the phone.

I hear this very loud, brash voice coming from behind me and turn to look.... When I did, she did not say anything else, so I assumed she was not speaking to me.. I continued towards my truck, when she screamed again.. WTF?? This time, I turn and ask if she is addressing me, and she gives me one of those " What, are you an idiot?" looks...

She approaches me and says something to the effect that she was not a lot lizard and was not going to eat me, so "Why the hell are you being so rude??"

I explained that I was on the phone and asked what she needed. She gives me this sob story of how her Big Truck was in the shop and she had no money..." I have 50 pounds of chicken in my trailer that I need to sell.. Do you have any friends?"

What the hell does my friends have to do with her chicken??

I make my escape and me and B#1 have a good laugh... Seriously folks, I am not one to judge people at a glance....but I do think she would have eaten me if she had been hungry... And I don't think she had taken a shower in quite some time... To be polite, I will say this... I don't think she had one iota of concern for her own personal health and/ any detectable grooming skills.... NASTY!!

This week, I check in at the same motel and lo' and behold, as I am climbing out of the truck what should I hear....

" HEY GIRLFRIEND"

Shit, shit, oh shit!! There she is in all her glory... Really , Pigpen (Peanuts) had no comparable dust cloud swarming him..

Well, this time, she has a little dog with her and has him doing tricks....(Which were quite amazing!!, REALLY!) She continues on with her sob story (unbelievable) and tells me how she has been cleaning trucks to pay for her motel bill. She wants to share dinner with me, because she can not afford her own. She also wants to sit in my truck and use my CB Radio to solicit her truck cleaning skillz... I give her some cash to purchase her own meal and make my exit....

After a bit, my phone (motel room) begins to ring. No one knows I am here, so I don't answer. Then the knocking at the door.... Finally, after awhile, I venture back out to my truck when she approaches and asks if I would give her a ride out in the morning...

I explain all the reasons why I am unable to assist her and creep back into my room...

No more disturbances that evening!!

I halfway expected her to be standing by my truck in the morning when I pulled out, but I told her I was leaving at 6am... I left at 4:30!! HAhahahahhaaa... After checking to make sure no tires were cut and trailers unhooked.... Confident in my departure, I escaped the madness....

I will not be staying in Milford Connecticut again.!!

Oh, and BTW.. The little dog had a worse skin condition than she did, with warts and bumps all over him....And it irritated her that I would not pet him.... " Hey Lady, there ain't enough Clorox in the world !!! And NO you ain't getting in my truck!!"