NYC Welcoming Committee

I have been traveling into New York City for about 4 years now. I was a bit surprised to find that a lot of the hype about NYC did not seem to be true. That which is seen in movies or television was not necessarily present.

Traffic, for example. Rumored to have mind blowing bouts of gridlock. Not necessarily the case. In my experiences I have witnessed some horrible delays, true; but not quite the stuff these legends are made of. I find that New Yorkers are very good drivers!! I AM SERIOUS. Every major city has rush hour, and these people flow quite well considering how populated the area is. There is definitely an unspoken set of rules you must abide by in order to fit in, but once you have mastered the basic knowledge of these guidelines you can merge with the best of them.

1.Beware of TaxiCabs. They are unaware that any other vehicle is present on the roadway.(Or, they just really dont give a flying rats ass.) But we will give them the benefit of the doubt and call it TunnelVision.

2. Never assume that the lines painted on the surface of the road actually mean anything. Lane position, WHAT LANE POSITION???? As long as you are on a drivable surface, gas on it. Asphalt, concrete, dirt, grass.... Its all fair game , anything to get ahead of the crowd.

Most importantly

3. Merging... Its not for the faint of heart. When you decide you must change lanes, be firm in your resolution and DONT SHOW FEAR. From the moment you intiate your turn signal, you have roughly 3 seconds to make the transition. (I would like to say "Give or Take", but who am I kidding. 3 is already too generous). First BLINK, a slight gap will magically appear; trust me, it is there. You must believe young grasshopper!! Second BLINK, at this point you should already be at least halfway into your new LANE position. DONT HESITATE. Third BLINK, this is the token clicking noise to remind you to turn off your turn signal.

Should you hesitate at any point, the GAP will vanish as magically as it appeared. (Did you see it, YOUNG JEDI MASTER??) Okay , now abort the procedure entirely. Count to 10 and reengage the turn signal. Hopefully, they will have forgotten your first failed attempt. Maybe they will assume you accidently hit the lever the first time. If for some reason you are unsuccessful a second time, they are now completely aware you are not a local and have NO sympathy for you . Good Luck

I seem to have strayed quite a bit there....now, back to the real issue at hand..


Everyone has seen the shots of NYC where traffic is blocked in all directions, and horns are ablowing. Gestures being made in every direction, ( I know I am number One, but thanks for the comfirmation) WELL, I have yet to see that side of the City .... Until this week....

Road construction forced me to find an alternate route to one of my deliveries in Queens. I was told in advance, so I prepared to make the journey well into the night to avoid some of the traffic. The mission: to find a place to make a U-Turn on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway. Traffic is thin, good vibes all around. I spot it.... Exit Ramp, overpass, entrance ramp. All in plain view, with only 2 left turns to be made. Simple, RIGHT???? I take the exit, make the first left easily enough. I am on the overpass. One lane straight, one lane turns. I am in the turn lane. Upon, further examination I discover the entrance ramp is NOT at a 45degree angle. More like 30 with a telephone pole in the near corner. So, I will just back up and ease over to the right to get plenty of room for my trailer to make the swing. DAMN, where did all these cars come from???? I cant move!!! Completely surrounded and blocking the entire intersection. Then it happens. A 21 Horn Salute being performed in my honor. Windows lowered and solitary fingers displayed just for me.... Angry shouts.... It only took about 5 minutes to rectify this little predicament, (New Yorkers seem to bore easily) But not before I was actually applauded by the two gentlemen on the corner who moments before were loudly expressing their doubts in my ability to "Git R Done" Oh yea of little faith...

So, I have now been officially welcomed by the NYC Hospitality Committee. You know, I was beginning to feel a little neglected.....