Things That Go BUMP In The Night

Throughout the driving community, certain places are notorious for sexual solicitation. I try to avoid those areas simply because I do not want to be disturbed during my sleep. One such place is the Travel Service Plaza in Milford, Connecticut. There are two trucks stops a mile south of the plaza, so I try I sneak in there after a long day delivering in NYC. I usually do not attempt parking in the Pilot, because I have seen a lot of hood damage occur at this particular location.

Last night, I saw one of the prime parking spots available in the Pilot, so I grabbed it. It was early to bed for me because my Southington, Connecticut delivery opens at 4am. Around 1am, I am roused from my sleep by a very invasive knocking on my sleeper wall. People, theses trucks are not that thick. A gentle tapping will suffice. Now, my first instinct was that someone had backed into my truck and I had possibly slept through it, but that didn't feel right...I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and tried to focus. Then the knocking started again. It was repeated several times over the next 5 minutes, so I slowly raised up to peek and see what the disturbance was about. My second thought was that the Lot Lizards had left the service plaza and bravely invaded the truck stop.

Just as I stole a glance through the curtains, the perpetrator walked away. I was awake at this point, so I watched...It was a man, at first glance he appeared to be desperate. He continued through the parking lot and proceeded to knock on every single sleeper in the lot. Not really sure what that was all about, but I lost an hour sleep over it. Thanks Buddy!!

When my alarm went off a few hours later, I gathered my bathroom items and headed in to brush the ol choppers and grab a quick cup of joe before heading to my stop. Standing in the Ladies Restroom, brushing my teeth, I was a little shocked to watch a MAN walk in and head straight for a toilet stall. He looked directly at me, but never lost stride. He commenced to getting comfortable as I finished up, and just as I was exiting, he let loose with a few grunts for good measure...all I could mutter was "Dude, you're in the wrong room", as I made a hasty retreat.

And here I was, all this time, thinking that there are some really nasty women desecrating the public restrooms, but it all makes sense now!! I finally understand how urine gets alllllll over the toilets....Just teasing!! But there are some really filthy ladie's restrooms!!

Rebel Without A Cause

My buddy AA always gives me grief about the actions I take and the deductive reasoning behind it. For example, most states have a regulation in place that states that if there are more than 2 lanes, Trucks are restricted to the right two. Great, no problem. Except, when someone does something stupid directly in front of you and the left lane is your only means of avoiding a collision.

For example, a few years back, I was cruising the middle lane in Connecticut passing the slower traffic in the right lane, when a lady in a four wheeler decided to dart in front of me. I slowed to accommodate for her erratic decision. But then, every 100 yards or so, she would slam on the brakes, slowing to well below the posted speed limit. Eventually, she is able to maintain a constant speed and we are flowing nicely. But, I suppose her phone must have rang, because, after a few minutes, she really locked it down. I know, you are probably thinking I should have left more space between vehicles, but lets face it. That is just not possible on the 95 corridor around NY/CT. So, rather than plow into her, or slam into vehicles on my right, I dodged and weaved my way into the VERY RESTRICTED left lane. I was in it for maybe 30 seconds, but it was 30 seconds too long. In an instant, there were blue lights behind me. I received a very lovely driving reward, and of course, preventing an accident was not a good enough excuse to be there.

Another example would be the time I was empty running up a steep incline into the Allentown area of Pennsylvania. I was in the middle lane, again. But, I was empty, and it was a steeeeeep grade. About half way up the hill is a high volume traffic entrance ramp, usually filled with heavy trucks trying to merge into traffic at 20 mph. That was exactly the case this time. Except, it was two trucks. Both were heavy, but the second truck was moving 3 mph faster than the lead truck. So what does he do. He comes off the ramp directly into the middle lane at 25 mph. Now, at this point I am flying up the hill at about 65 and could have never stopped in time. SOOOOOO, my only option? Go LEFT. Yep, another 15 seconds too long. As soon as I passed the idiot in the center lane, I immediately cut back over in front of him, but it was too late. I pulled off at the next exit and although I had just saved my own life and prevented the interstate from being closed extensively, my reasoning was not good enough for the Officer.

Therefore , I do NOT EVER resort to using the left lane in Connecticut or Pennsylvania. Been there, done that, paid for the experience. And the Pony Car insurance was not cheap to begin with. But here is where my logic becomes the topic of AA's amusement.

I will not run the left lane in CT or PA, but since I have not been busted in NYC.....LOL.....Well, you get the idea. Heck, the left lane is the only way to fly on the Cross Bronx.

But of course, I am not stupid, so no, I dont abuse the "privilege" on the other expressways around the city. However, today, I managed to try out a new left lane. That being the one belonging on the Long Island Expressway... Definitely a NO NO. Supposedly, the two right lanes were blocked ahead for a Pothole Patrol, and well, by deductive reasoning, that only leaves the HOV and left lane open. Right? Not being one to dilly dally, I quickly jumped left along with a few more brave souls and we got through the back up with very little delays, but only a few others followed. The rest were busy telling us we were not allowed over there. Until a few miles down the road, when they figured out they had to be there.

Oh, and I wish I could have got a picture of Saturday Night's big adventure. Little Trucker riding the HOV lane in Atlanta... This time I was the only truck to do it. Accident ahead, and we were merging from 7 lanes down to 2. One of them being the HOV. Will naturally, I am there.

I personally do not think that in an emergency situation, the Law Enforcement Officers are going to penalize you for riding in a restricted lane, especially if the only lanes available are restricted. Might as well, go for broke. But I can guarantee you that it will be a long time before you catch me in an HOV lane again...

And Speaking of the Big A

Oh gosh, I hope you did not think I was referring to my beloved New York City....

No, the Big A , I am referring to is Atlanta.

Last week, while cruising around the Watermelon 500, a lively conversation was taking place amongst the Truckers as to just "Why exactly is everybody in such a hurry in the ATL?" You see, while the speed limit is set at 55 mph, there are only about 5 people who actually abide by it. As for the rest, they will run you over.

Of course, everyone had to put their 2 cents worth in. Although some remarks were meant to be humorous, the initial inquisitor was actually quite disgruntled

"...because they are trying to catch their spouse cheating on them."

"...because their spouses' lover will drink all the beer, so they are trying to catch them."

"...because they want to get home and be the first to the mailbox to get the welfare check."

"...because Judge Judy comes on at five."

after a litany of not so clever responses, I casually pick up the microphone and inform the masses that the real reason everyone is in such a hurry in Atlanta, is because the last one in is a rotten egg.

SILENCE

And then the airwaves were filled to capacity with bellowing laughter. Between gasps, sighs, cackles and guffaws, the original initiator of the conversation thanked me for my insight and assured me he was in a much better mood to deal with the rest of his lap around the loop.

Hey, it was the least I could do!!

Brush With Celebrity

Could it get any better?

Seriously !!

On Sunday, whilst cruising about in a state of utter nonchalance, I found myself daydreaming while traversing the corridors of Virginia. It did not take me very long to come to my senses, when I noticed the familiar sight of flashing lights peeking out from behind my trailer.

What was I thinking !! I knew exactly where I was at, and the fact that I was in complete disregard for my location bit me in the arse. No, it was not a reduced speed zone. But, it is one that is watched with intense scrutiny. In fact, I believe the Smokey Bear who hangs out in this area has a mail box set up on the interstate ramp.

I pulled over to the side and although he gave me a warning for the speed, he did proceed to put me through a level 3 inspection. I assured him that he probably did not want to look at my log book, and he said he would be willing to take that risk. After 10-15 minutes he returned to my truck and gently reprimanded me for being negligent. I was not off by much, but enough to be required to send in some revenue. The sad part is that I was exactly where I was suppose to be, and legally able to be there. I just did not make note of it in my log book that day, or the prior day!! D'oh !! Hey, with all of this truck swapping, I am lucky if I even remember who I am.

After the initial meet and greet, reprimand and recovery from sticker shock, I asked the Officer if he knew he was indeed famous, or infamous, as the case may be.

"What do you mean?" he inquired.

" Well, Mr Smokey, YOU, SIR, are the famous burgundy wrapper that lives at the million dollar get-on ramp. All the truckers know about you!! I knew about you, but I was busy day-dreaming about fire-fighters and forgot to see if you were home" ( okay, I did not mention the firefighters) " Even I know about you, but I was waiting on my com padre to catch up and was busy day dreaming."

About that time, AA creeps by. Later, AA told me that he had never seen a Smokey Bear with such a big grin on his face.

The Smokey seemed pleased to learn of his reputation and as he puts it, " Well, I do work em over pretty hard!" He then waited for me to get ready to roll and escorted me back out onto the interstate. Of course for the next 30 miles, all I heard on the CB was how that dastardly Smokey was shaking his finger at the little girl.

HA! We know the truth, eh??

Double Your Pleasure

Here are a few facts that most of my loyal readers should be aware of.

I love New York!!

I love Men In Uniforms (Police, Firefighters, Servicemen)

Okay, that was fairly simple and since those are the only two facts that really pertain to this story, those are all I will be supplying.

Oh, another fact, you may not know. When at work, because I make multiple deliveries, I try to be the most efficient for everyone involved, primarily myself. You see, I get paid the same amount if I deliver the load in 2 days or 4. Therefore, I do not like delays, and am constantly rerouting myself to shorten my work day.

Last week, I had finished up with my Long Island drops and had one customer to deliver to in the Bronx. After that, I had to head back into New Jersey to catch my first scheduled delivery of the day. Why did I not deliver it first, you may ask. That is simple. The material was buried under stop number 4 AND the first customer hand unloads. Therefore, I had no choice but to work out a new strategy. After that, I would be heading up to Massachusetts. Yes, I am aware that I was back tracking, but if you can get the loaders to do any better, I will be eternally grateful.

SO.....heading into the Bronx, I made my turn into the neighborhood and was dismayed to see the road closed ahead. I hate getting off my beaten path, as there are plenty of one way streets, and although I am not above using them inappropriately under extreme circumstances, I prefer to go with the flow of traffic at all times if possible. The reason for the closure was obvious. There were 2 firetrucks sitting in the road with hoses discharging at full capacity. I made my way a few blocks south, ended up going the wrong way down a one-way and worked my way back towards the customer. The opposing street was also closed. More fire trucks. After a few more turns and illegal maneuvers, I got to the third section of the block closest to my customer, only to be halted again. This time it was as plain as the nose on my face that this delivery was going to be delayed. Three more fire trucks were parked and functioning. Only this time, they were parked in my unloading zone. Thankfully it was not my customer who was smoldering, but the empty warehouse across the street.

With my options running low, I set the brakes. Yes, I was parked in the road, but in New York, these things are often overlooked. I began the trek towards the customer, hoping to see a familiar face and get an opinion of the situation. I noticed a fireman standing close by and I sashayed up to him with a gleam in my eye.

"Excuse me, Man In Uniform, ( purr) could you tell me how long this might take, as I need to make a delivery right there?"

The Fireman looked at me, looked at the smoldering building, checked his watch, and grinned from ear to ear as he replied, " Well, now Little Lady, this might take awhile."

We spent the next few minutes chatting away. We worked out a signal, and off he went to save the day. After several minutes, he waved his hat at me signalling that they were about to wrap it up and as soon as the ladder truck was loaded, they would be out of my way.

I am such a dork. Who else do you know that would saunter up to a fireman whilst on duty (even though the flames were already extinguished) and proceed to charm the reflective strips off his gear. Leave it to me. I do not do this intentionally. I am just a friendly person. And ohhhh, how I loves me a man in uniform.

Dont Try This At Home

or anywhere for that matter.

What I am about to tell you is so ridiculously funny and embarrassing, but I thought it was too good to not pass along.

Last night, I decided to go running after I arrived at my destination. It was a tad bit late, and although I did not leave the immediate vicinity, I still took precautions to ensure a reasonable amount of safety. I carry certain items with me, in case of emergency type items. This includes my phone, and some sort of weapon. Sure, if I was to be attacked I might not do much damage to a big hulking man, but I do want to do some damage.

After finishing my run and cleaning up, I retrieved the weapons and was going to stow them away.

The safety latch was off.

I accidentally hit the trigger.

and shot a mist of pepper spray into the cab of my truck. Although I did not spray myself directly, the mist almost instantaneously took affect. I shut my eyes the instant I realized what I had done, thankfully!! My nasal passages and mouth were not so lucky. My mouth started to burn and my sinuses went numb and began to flow like a water tap. I made a not so successful dive for the drivers side window to allow fresh air into the truck, but managed to stumble over the gear shifter and almost do a face plant in the steering wheel. The only thing I could even remotely compare it to would be eating a spoonful of Wasabi in one bite. I have had a lot of wasabi, and this was more painful than the largest dosage of the good stuff that I have ever been brave enough to swallow.

I did get the windows down and turned the ac fans on full blast to try and extricate any remaining fumes. It was only a tiny blast and cleared out quickly, but I had a sack full of snotty rags from trying to stop the nasal drainage. My eyes were never affected as I stumbled about blindly, and I suppose that was the funniest part, or maybe it was me hanging my head as far out of the window as humanly possible, reminiscent of a dog going for a joy ride with his tongue lashing about.

Unless you take into consideration that I did this to myself!! Yep, that is pretty darn funny too!!

Mistaken Identity

HA ha ha.....

Last week, I found myself in a situation that has not happened to me in a decade, and one that continues to confuse me.

You have seen pictures of me, and if you watch any of my videos, I typically have a hooded sweat shirt and jeans on while working in the winter months. So, you tell me, how does this happen?

I was taking a break in Jackson, Mississippi after unloading five stops of cabinetry. Yes, I am back to stick hauling again. It was early yet, and my next stop was Metairie, Louisiana. I could not make the next delivery until 6am the next morning, and not knowing how safe I would be in Metairie, I decided to camp out in Jackson for the night. Not to mention, I was in desperate need of a shower and some down time. I was exhausted!!  

I crashed pretty early with the intentions of getting a jump on the day and making the 3 hour drive in the dusky hours of the morning. I awoke at 3am and headed into the truck stop for a cup of joe before meandering down the Super Slab.  

When I entered the store, I made my way to the coffee pots. While doctoring up my brew, I noticed a security guard watching me. He made his way towards me and attempted to engage me in conversation.

Where ya going?

Metairie, Louisiana.

What for?

To deliver my load.

Oh, so you drive a truck?

Yes Sir!  all the while smiling sweetly and stirring my java

So, you are going to Baton Rouge to load, huh?

No, Metairie to unload.

Oh, yeah, you are going to Metairie to get loaded?

No sir, I am going to empty my trailer. I have two stops left. One in Metairie and one in Houma. Then I will drive my Big Truck back to Alabama, because I will not have to reload, and then I will be at home for the weekend before I head back to Georgia in my Big Truck.

So, how long you been driving?

I have been asleep...Now I am starting my day, that is why I am getting coffee.  ( I had to have a little fun with him) I then walked to the counter to pay, and he continued to ask redundant questions, altering the wording as if to confuse me.

If you have not figure it out by now, it was 3 am and he was a bombarding me with questions in order to find out my intentions because he suspected , perhaps that I was a Lady Of The Night. I mean, sure, why else would a woman be walking around the truck stop parking lot in the wee hours of the morning. Except to get coffee before driving off in her Big Truck to make her delivery in Metairie, Louisiana.

When I left the store, I noticed he was watching me...He even stepped outside so his view could follow me all the way to the truck...

As, I drove away, he was still staring intently, so I waved and tooted my horn.

It has been at least a decade since some figure of authority has confused my identity. The last time was in Oklahoma City, in broad daylight.....but that is another story.

There IS a First Time For Everything

I can honesty say that in all of my years of Trucking, the following story has never happened to me before now..This is truly a first time experience, and therefore, I knew I had to share it with you.

Last week, after finishing up my weekly routine with the Aluminum Company, I was loaned out to  another company to help out with an extra run. I agreed to do it because it got me and the truck home, eliminating my commute in the Pony Car.

What I didn't consider was the fact that I had obligated myself to quite a hefty haul, but that is another post. So after working overtime, I made it home for a 48 hour break, completely exhausted. On Sunday, several extraordinary events occurred, leaving me a little bumfuzzled. For example, I had several long time acquaintances, er, um, somewhat declare their more than passing adoration for me. Okay, 2 fellows asked me out, and a third just mentioned he was hooked!!

Also, one of our long term drivers was fired, leaving the rest of us to only speculate why. 

I attribute all of these events to be the cause of what happened next.

I was told my route would start in Goodwater, Alabama.  I asked another driver which exit I needed to find the customer, as I can never remember the exit number. He looked at me funny when I told him what route I was planning to take, but he never said a word. I set forth on my journey, Goodwater on the brain, along with professions of love, aching muscles, and a fear of losing my job.

A few hours later, I arrived at the customer, preparing for a peaceful nights sleep, when it suddenly dawned on me, that I was not in Goodwater. You see, we have a customer in Alabama who has several different locations. I was at the right customer, just the wrong town.  So, I set forth again, heading to the real Goodwater...

I have never in my life, driven to the wrong location.

The next morning, I got unloaded and before heading out to stop number two, I was groped by an 83 year old fork lift driver......Niiiiicccceeeeeeeee!!

Oh well, all is well that ends well, and although I added an additional hour to my trip, the feeble fingers coping a feel of me arse, made it all worth while , don't ya think!!

What a minute, that is two FIRST's...........

Min Min Lights

Owyagoinmate?    HA HA....

Recently, while having a chat with a new friend of mine, we got caught up in telling Old Trucker Stories...First I must caution you to be very careful what you believe when it comes to a Trucker telling you a story, they have been known to embellish a few details.

Anyways, he delighted me with a tale regarding the Australian Min Min Lights, and a ruse he had used to , shall we say, errrrr, motivate another driver!!

During his charismatic presentation of the aboriginal myth used in his harmless little prank, I realized that I HAVE SEEN these lights...Okay, so maybe not in OZ ( Australia), but I was in Kansas, and isn't that where Dorothy was from before she encountered the Wizard (of OZ).... And maybe these were not the actual Min Min Lights....But I did witness this very same phenomenon...And I must say, it scared the poo out of me.

Here is my tale, as best remembered from approximately 9 years ago...

I was traveling south on US 183 through Kansas, heading towards the Interstate... It was late into the night and traffic was light. Approximately 15 miles from the Big Road, I began to notice this strange occurrence in the heavens...I slowed, naturally , to get a better glimpse.  I had not seen any traffic for awhile, but as I crept further south, gazing into the night sky, I came upon 5 cars stopped in the middle of the highway.  Hey, if you cant beat em, join em... So, I stopped too, which allowed me to get an even better look. 

What I witnessed was truly mystifying. Terrifying even!!

There seemed to be a flock of lights....These lights were hovering in the air about 50 feet due east, and no more than 40 feet off the ground. The lights themselves were orb shaped with a brilliant beam shining forward into their trajectory. I say "flock" because their movement resembled that of a flock of geese...There was one brilliant illumination followed by 20-25 smaller orbs in a typical flock pattern.  The beam projected from a glowing sphere... Once the lights had passed, you could no longer see the glowing orbs, just the beam of light that extended forward. They moved in unison, much like birds, moderately changing elevation, but enough to know this was not a simple refraction of headlights on another road. These lights were moving on their own....At one point, the largest orb stopped, and its glowing beacon scanned an area of 180 degrees, before continuing north. That is when we all decided to get a move on!!!

Before stumbling upon this strange phenomenon, I had been very tired and in earnest pursuit of a place to bed down for the night.  Remarkably, however, when it had passed, I had absolutely no intention of stopping my truck and going to sleep any where in the entire state...

Often, I had wondered what exactly I had seen.. In telling this story to others, I often remarked that it was light seeing a flock of radio active ducks, with flashlights tape to their bills, except there were no ducks.....Just hovering flashlights.......

But now, thanks to the Man Of The Hour, I no longer have to fear aliens trying to track me down. Seriously, that whole probing thing sort of scares me!!!!

To Err is Human.....

Tuesday November 25th

After awaking to a rainy morning in Long Island, I faced a brutal 3 hour commute back into Queens. You might ask yourself, 'Is this normal?'

While long delays are prevalent on this stretch of blacktop, this particular delay was the residual effect of a weekend derailment on the LIRR, which plays host to over 100, 000 rush hour commuters each weekday morning. Put those folks back in a car, and naturally you get very extensive delays.

After a quick drop in Flushing, NY, I headed off to Wood-Ridge, NJ for my next delivery. Then it was on to Carbondale, Pennsylvania. AA was just hours ahead of me, and he informed me of weather advisories. Ground is WHITE, roads are CLEAN.

But this post is not about my typical truck problems or the mundane details of my day. No, this post is dedicated to the little adventure I endured while trying to make my final delivery for the day.

Now every driver has at some point made a wrong turn, or missed a road while trying to make their destination. I have done this on a few occasions, but not often does it make me feel inadequate. But today was my lucky day.

The first turn I missed was the exit ramp for Route 6 East, a nice four-lane highway. I knew the road well, and because it went due north, I didn't even hesitate to pass the ramp which offered an east bound path. The direction, I had just come from. No problems though, except finding a place to turn around before I hit the serious snow and congestion in the mountains.

I manged to get back on track, and located the customer in a reasonable amount of time. I have delivered here a half dozen times or so, and knew that in order to unload, I would be required to make a U-turn somewhere up the road to be able position myself in their tiny little parking lot.

Here is where the fun begins!!

There is a road, a few hundred yards ahead that leads to the only industrial area in town. The entrance to this area resembles a small parking lot with an inadequate amount of asphalt barely covering the dirt beneath. Now, I had forgotten which road led me into the industrial area, as it had been over a year since my last delivery. And I forgot one vitally important instruction.

Do Not Cross The RailRoad Tracks !!

I didn't realize I had made a mistake until after I had made the turn onto the first street (my memory's only clue to where the turn around was located). I began to feel disheartened as I made the climb into the mountains, and watched Carbondale below in the mirror. I must mention that all the streets in Carbondale are very narrow and a Truck could not make these turns even if they were not restricted.

So, climb I did! Onto a snowy little trail that lead into the middle of nowhere. Up into the mountains and into the frozen tundra.

At this point, I was feeling quite apprehensive, as I had yet to find a location even remotely capable of allowing me to turn around. Eventually I stumbled upon a Y intersection and decided it was now or never. Traffic was almost non-existent, so I gingerly began to back into the merging roadway. A few vehicles popped up behind me rather quickly, and stared in wide-eyed amazement of the task I was attempting. I sat still in the roadway awaiting their departure as I did not want to risk a collision. The first spectator offered his assistance and assured me that it was indeed Now Or Never, as this roadway came to an abrupt dead-end several miles away. I instructed him, that while I was very grateful for this knowledge and his assistance, I could not allow him to block the road way for me. I would be liable if anyone rear-ended him if they popped over the top of the hill. He gave me a very concerned smile, a few words of comfort and drove off into the skyline.

Next, a school bus being piloted by a very friendly and understanding lady, drove onto the scene. Because of her vehicle's priority, she then proceeded to block the road for me. It is required to stop for any bus flashing red lights with its little stop sign protruding, so she used this to my advantage. I was then able to make the turn and head back into civilization.

Moments later, almost blizzard like conditions erupted from the sky, visibility nearing just a few hundred feet. Talk about timing!!

It has been a long time since I have felt the helplessness I faced while fearing the unknown. In fact, I believe the last time I was in a comparable predicament, it involved logging trails, cows and a missing hammer.

Truckers Gone Wild

A few months ago, it happened. I was caught on tape.. Video Tape.

Driving my Big Rig.

My Boss calls to tell me that he has received a video of me driving down Mont Eagle at excessive speeds in an offensive manner.

What me???? Are you sure? Actually, when he told me about this, I knew exactly what incident he was referring too!. I remembered it with crystal clear perception, or so I thought.

He told me I was filmed at a rate of 70+ mph .... That is LUDICROUS....

Anyone who knows this area will tell you that if you flew down this mountain, you would most assuredly lose your driving privileges and be placed underneath the jail. It just isn't done. Law enforcement pays particularly close attention to this stretch of interstate with its lower speed limits, and high volume of accidents. It is a 6% descent. not bad. It is a 55 mph zone for autos, and a 45, 35, 25 mph zone for Trucks depending on the weight of the load. It has, I believe, 3 runaway truck ramps.

But before I get ahead of my self...here is my recollection of the event.

I was pulling an empty trailer across Mont Eagle. There was a loaded flat bedder following me. As we approached the descent, there were slower moving vehicles I was trying to get around because the lanes are restricted on the downhill swing. I was speeding..I will admit that! I was trying to adhere to the 55 speed limit, because I was empty. And YES, the posted speed limit for Trucks is 45mph.... There was a SUV that kept hovering near my trailer. He was in the way, almost the whole way down the hill.

The Boss told me I WAS CAUGHT ON TAPE IN EXCESS OF 70 MPH.

I defend my innocence.. I believe he had his speedometer re calibrated to show an increase in speed. The Boss said I was wrong, it was on tape and he invited me to view it.

So, that it was I did today.

What I saw is as follows...

At the beginning of the video, the guy shows his speedometer near 75 mph on top of the mountain... He is a quarter mile behind me, racing to catch up.... My speed was not 75......I was not racing to catch anyone.....So, it was not I who was speeding in a 55 zone.

Next we see me in the left lane, passing slower heavier trucks before the descent. He shows me to be doing about 60....I will agree with that. I was trying to get ahead of the slower vehicles because the lane restriction was looming just ahead, and I was required to be in one of the two right lanes....Yes, I was speeding, but not 75 mph......My truck is governed at 68 and could not do 75 on flat land...

We start down the hill, and you can very clearly see other Big Trucks pulling away from me...If I was doing 75, then those other Trucks were in excess of 80..... WRONG....He finally shows me running at about 57-60 mph...I will agree to that.

He also comments on how I had to slow down for the Police Officers, because I knew I was speeding.. I was actually not concerned about the Police Officers pulling me over. Because I am a shameless Daredevil, hell bent on reeking havoc on the roadways in an excessively fast and destructive manner... NO, I was not concerned about them because I was not doing 75 like some people seem to think. I was concerned about the SUV who was hovering at my trailer and constantly in the way. So, I did accelerate and brake in several attempts to get away from him.

All the while, other vehicles are continuing to descend the mountain at a quicker speed than myself.....

Finally, we reach the bottom of the decline, and as a general rule.....When you see the elevated speed limit sign, you "let it roll" Most Truckers would agree. No need to hold it back any longer, the speed limit is about to increase. The newly increased speed limit is 70............

So, he films me making the final descent and this time he does record me doing in excess of 70.....(about 73).In plain view of the increased speed limit sign, but he makes a snarky comment about how the limit has not increased just yet, and I am clearly out of my mind....Okay, I ad libbed that part, but he does point out the sign.....What he doesn't show you is the broken down big truck on the shoulder of the road, or my desire to get into the left lane to give this disabled vehicle plenty of room for safety's sake. BUT... there is an SUV hovering at my trailer who will not get out of the way to let me over...Plus there is another Big Rig behind me who is loaded and the last thing I want to do is make him slow down after heating up his brakes for the past 7 miles...Wrong time to be brake-checking a Big Truck. SO, YES..... I let it roll......in an attempt to get around the SUV, to clear up room for the disabled vehicle.....at the bottom of the Mont..

But I am wrong....on so many levels....I am wrong....

I will defend my innocence until the grave....I was not flying down the mountain....It is clear in my mind, and ON VIDEO.....

It just infuriates me..........The asshole filming me was putting traffic at a higher elevated risk of danger by blocking the flow of traffic and hovering beside me. I was targeted and it clearly shows me that you can be incriminated for just about anything, as long as you present it in a certain way....

So forget all the obvious signs that this was overly exaggerated to show my reckless behavior....yeah, those other vehicles driving off ahead and leaving me in the dust were just a figment of my imagination, even though they were on film....And forget about me trying to give a disabled vehicle a little extra room, but could not because some guy in an SUV had to hover in order to get good video footage of me.....

In fact, the only thing you need to remember is that I am one crazy lunatic truck driver with a reckless streak a mile wide and I will run you over for the sheer entertainment value of it.

Bite Me JackAss.......

The Man of My Dreams.....

While traveling eastbound along I-40, through what is simply known as The Gorge to us Easterners, the following conversation took place.

"Watch out, there are a bunch of peanuts in the road......"

Me: Did you say Peanuts?

At this point another unfamiliar voice boomed out over the airwaves.....

PEANUT BUTTER

Me: Jelly

and in response

I GOT NOTHING

Me: What do you mean, you got nothing?

The unfamiliar voice then went on to state that he believed I was indeed his soul mate. He knew from my one word response Jelly, that I was the perfect mix of trucker, female and clown all wrapped up in one nice tiny package.

But then, the fantasy was shattered, as another driver remarked, " It would never work!! You (the unfamiliar voice) are headed west and she (me) is going east. There is no place to turn around for 30 miles....It just isn't meant to be"

Sadly, we both continued our predetermined directions, and faded out of site.....

I was so close to meeting the man of my dreams........soooo close.



Peanut... PeanutButter... Jelly.... Did you get the reference? Not to be confused with Peanut Butter Jelly Time..... Just so you know.


I am still unsure as to why we were supposed to fear the peanuts laying in the road, which I never saw......



The Gorge is a stretch of Interstate 40 running through western North Carolina and Eastern Tennessee. It is nestled in the heart of the Pisgah National Forest and is part of the mountainous area known as the "eastern Grand Canyon". I have never called it the Eastern Grand Canyon, that is just what the interwebs tell me.......But I do have a video or two....

Stay Tuned.

Punk'd

Last Thursday, while visiting the Bro and his Family I received a text message.

"Come and Save Me"

It was Bama Boy... Or as I shall dub him...... Superman. (Yes, there is a story behind that, but it is not mine to tell)

So a few minutes later Superman calls and begs me to come out and play. You see, he is sitting at a local bar with some friends and a local barfly has attached herself to his side. Superman is a very sociable type and does not like to be mean. He has given subtle hints and not so subtle hints that she is NOT going home with him, no matter how much cleavage she is showing. She won't take the hint.

"Come and Save ME"

After receiving directions, I head out. Superman calls again. This time he has a game he wants to play. He proceeds to explain the scenario.

" You come in and sit on the opposite side of the bar. Take your time and seduce me with your eyes, I will be drawn to you and surely she will get the idea, that I am not interested in her because apparently she can take no other hints, other than me walking away!"

Okay, I agree to play...... but not according to his terms.

Just before I enter the bar, I sent Superman a text saying that I have NEVER picked a man up in a bar, and that I was not going to start now. " Your on your own, Tiger" hee hee hee

I do as I was told. I sit opposite of his little entourage. I make eye contact with everyone. Everyone makes eye contact with me. A drink is sent over from a complete stranger and another takes a seat beside me. Just then Superman receives my text. He barely manages to stifle a laugh and looks at me with that very playful "oh, so you want play that way" look.

As, I am chatting up a few of the locals, I notice a slight commotion over at Supermans Group. A few laughs... An " I dare You" and so forth. Then he saunters over my way. As he sits down, he eyes are shining and he explains that he was just told that he did not stand a chance with me. His friends had noticed me instantly and made the comment. " She's Cute", as he chides in to agree, the drunk chic is getting a little upset because she is not the center of attention anymore. So with a touch of sarcasm, she makes the fatal bet. " Five Bucks says you can't get her number"

We continue to play strangers for the allotted amount of time stated in the bet. As time is counting down, he whispers "Kiss Me" when she calls time..... I did, he did...... There were shouts and clapping...... There was a visibly upset drunk chic leaving the bar.... and then there were introductions all around.

No one knew.... I mean NO ONE knew that I had already met Superman..... No one knew that we had been talking for a while.....No one knew that we were not complete strangers...

It took me a day or two to realize what exactly had just happened...

During one of conversations, I had mentioned that I would love to play a prank on a group of people, say for instance " The Diner Scene" from When A Man Loves a Woman, with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia.

I had just about forgotten that I have ever mentioned it, when it dawned on me that....... Superman had just made that happen!!! He is very attentive to things I say, and I will clue you in on more activities......

Ughhhhh....... Time to make the donuts...........

The Good, The Bad, and The Psycho

THE GOOD
It seems that things might be turning around for me... Yes, I am still in the loaner truck, but I did convince the mechanic to replace the fuel filters before I left.. Wooooo hooooo... I am back in business...... Able to climb small mountains with only moderate loss of speed.

My load was very light and I was able to get unloaded quickly.. And yes, I am back home on a Wednesday AFTERNOON....Not bad, if you ask me... I left out Sunday morning, delivered 1 Jersey, 3 Long Island, Queens, Bronx, and 3 Massachusetts and am back at the crib in less than 76 hours...

My BossMan called me on Monday to tell me that he was on his way to pick up Maggie and bring her home.... He wanted to make sure I had no other complaints... Are you kidding me...He took the time to venture into Atlanta and bring Maggie home.. OMG, I love you !!!! Now I don't have to arrange for someone to take me to get her!! Woooo Hooooo!!

THE BAD
Nothing to report here...

and .....

THE PSYCHO

What an adventure.. On my way out of Connecticut, I ran across another trucker who was empty and heading my way.. We began to chat it up and he was very respectful and funny (I always appreciate the respect, as so many truckers are not respectful to me!!)

We cruised past all the other truckers (who were loaded heavy) and were making pretty good time.

Then it happens.....

On the downhill roll (loaded trucks gain alot of momentum going downhill), one particular trucker is making a mad dash towards the bottom when he slams on his brakes. He was right beside me and weaving all over the interstate. The people who were following him had to scatter to avoid a collision.. UH NOT COOL.... DUMBASS!! He nearly took out the guard rail trying to get a look at me... After a few other truckers make comments over the CB Radio, dumbass decides to roll on.... Of course, on the next ascent, me and my traveling buddy pass him again... Still all over the road, his lane, in my lane , on the shoulder, in the grass!!!! DUDE.....NOT COOL!!!!

After several miles he manages to catch us again.... This time we let him pass in a hurry, but once he was in front of us he began to weave from one lane to the other, literally driving down the center dotted line...At 45MPH..... We ( the respectful trucker I was chatting with ) decide to exit the interstate and let him disappear into the sunset, hopefully avoiding any further confrontations.... After getting a cup of coffee, we decide it might be safe enough to continue on..

Well, coffee runs right thru me, so in just a little bit I need to use the rest area bathroom, and Nice Trucker follows me into the rest area... just to be safe. There is only one parking spot available, so he parks on the exit ramp and waits on me..

When I come out of the bathroom, guess who is parked RIGHT BESIDE ME.... In the middle of the driveway.. blocking the road.... You should have seen this guy.. Well, I noticed the truck as soon as I left the building, so I made my way to my truck via a detour around several other vehicles and sneaked back into my cab.. But he noticed me... Thank God, I was safely in my cab at this point..

He had that CRAZY look in his eyes... I bet he only had three teeth, and looked like he was drooling!

I did manage to pull out and Nice Trucker followed me... Of Course, Psycho Trucker was right on our tail.. Every time he tried to catch me, Nice Trucker would jump in the left lane and cut him off.... This went on until we reached the big hills... We eventually were able to outrun him...

HOLY COW!! What an experience.. We got quite a laugh out of the whole ordeal, once it was over...

I am Thankful that I meet Nice Trucker that day... Cuz, I really had to pee and would not have been able to stop with that Psycho following me. And although it was just a loaner truck, I really did not want to pee on myself!!!

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Well, for starters, he couldn't because he is missing a leg... But if he could, it would be to get away from the Chicken Lady..

Wha....??

CHICKEN LEG.....

Last week, when I had myself all tucked into bed, I noticed a lump in my pillow.

I began to squeeze the pillow and felt what seemed to be a chunk of wood. Curious as I am, I decided to open the pillow and find out what kind of hidden surprise was in store for me. I had a feeling that I was not going to be happy with my hidden treasure, but DAMN IT! My curiosity got the best of me..

This is a soft fluffy down pillow.. I love soft fluffy down!!

I got out the scissors and a trash bag (don't want the feathers to go everywhere) and commenced to cutting open the pillow.....

BIG MISTAKE!!

What I found was a nice 4" long petrified Chicken Leg.... A for real chicken leg with a gnarly foot. Okay, maybe it was goose, but for the sake of the story, I am calling it a chicken leg!!

Still Disgusting, no matter what type of poultry it was.

Here is this leg..... This DEAD petrified leg of a mite infested bird.. This leg that has been within 2 inches of my face for the past 6 months... OMG, do you realize how gross that is... I mean, I could have gotten sick, right?? It is dead flesh!!

I have since removed both pillows, mattress pad and comforter from my bed... It is all down/feathers. I know this might be a bit drastic, but YOU were not sleeping with a chicken foot in your face... The products came from different vendors, but at this point, I don't care!!!

It took me 3 attempts to disinfect my hand along with 2 showers in the middle of the night, to once again feel clean!!

and next

THE CHICKEN LADY....

About 3 weeks ago, I was staying in my usual motel in Connecticut.. I was on the phone with Bachelor # 1, so he witnessed the entire event. I had left the room, to get supplies out of the truck, and as I mentioned....was on the phone.

I hear this very loud, brash voice coming from behind me and turn to look.... When I did, she did not say anything else, so I assumed she was not speaking to me.. I continued towards my truck, when she screamed again.. WTF?? This time, I turn and ask if she is addressing me, and she gives me one of those " What, are you an idiot?" looks...

She approaches me and says something to the effect that she was not a lot lizard and was not going to eat me, so "Why the hell are you being so rude??"

I explained that I was on the phone and asked what she needed. She gives me this sob story of how her Big Truck was in the shop and she had no money..." I have 50 pounds of chicken in my trailer that I need to sell.. Do you have any friends?"

What the hell does my friends have to do with her chicken??

I make my escape and me and B#1 have a good laugh... Seriously folks, I am not one to judge people at a glance....but I do think she would have eaten me if she had been hungry... And I don't think she had taken a shower in quite some time... To be polite, I will say this... I don't think she had one iota of concern for her own personal health and/ any detectable grooming skills.... NASTY!!

This week, I check in at the same motel and lo' and behold, as I am climbing out of the truck what should I hear....

" HEY GIRLFRIEND"

Shit, shit, oh shit!! There she is in all her glory... Really , Pigpen (Peanuts) had no comparable dust cloud swarming him..

Well, this time, she has a little dog with her and has him doing tricks....(Which were quite amazing!!, REALLY!) She continues on with her sob story (unbelievable) and tells me how she has been cleaning trucks to pay for her motel bill. She wants to share dinner with me, because she can not afford her own. She also wants to sit in my truck and use my CB Radio to solicit her truck cleaning skillz... I give her some cash to purchase her own meal and make my exit....

After a bit, my phone (motel room) begins to ring. No one knows I am here, so I don't answer. Then the knocking at the door.... Finally, after awhile, I venture back out to my truck when she approaches and asks if I would give her a ride out in the morning...

I explain all the reasons why I am unable to assist her and creep back into my room...

No more disturbances that evening!!

I halfway expected her to be standing by my truck in the morning when I pulled out, but I told her I was leaving at 6am... I left at 4:30!! HAhahahahhaaa... After checking to make sure no tires were cut and trailers unhooked.... Confident in my departure, I escaped the madness....

I will not be staying in Milford Connecticut again.!!

Oh, and BTW.. The little dog had a worse skin condition than she did, with warts and bumps all over him....And it irritated her that I would not pet him.... " Hey Lady, there ain't enough Clorox in the world !!! And NO you ain't getting in my truck!!"

I Love You Mr Occifer!! YOU ROCK

Okay, so we are all well aware of my lust for The Boys in Blue, and or Red for that matter!!

And most of us are probably aware that when an officer of the law is cruising down the highway, that at least a few of the other people driving are going to act~ well, lets just say stupid, shall we!!

This is a pet peeve of mine.. Big Time.

I think it is absolutely hilarious how people will slow to match the speed of the Cruiser... I mean if a cop is doing 10 below the speed limit, inevitably the cars around him will also reduce to match his speed.

And then as soon as the Officer makes his exit, or disappears into the median... the mad dash to the finish line begins again... Hahahahhhahaha, ohhhhhhh how this kills me!!

Really, folks, he ain't gonna eat ya!!

Not me, tho.. If Mr Smokey Bear is cruising down the interstate and holding up traffic, I will be the first to pass him... I ain't skeered!!! This essentially applies to my personal travels, because my Big Truck is not fast enough to pass the old man in the broke down travel trailer weaving in the right lane with his fourways on!! You get the idea, the Big Truck is slow!!

But in me Pony Car, I am hell on wheels... And of course, being a Mustang I should probably drive slower, because after all don't they look for speeding red sports cars??

So, anyways, on to the story...

Thursday, while travelling over to Bama, I run up on one such procession... Mr. Smokey Bear was cruising down the freeway doing about 72 mph.... When it dawned on everyone that a Great Officer Of The Law was in their presence, they immediately renegotiated their E T As..

Yes, everyone dropped about 10 mph to form a convoy of four wheelers behind the Smokey Bear. I played along at first, constantly wondering why the reduction in speed. Once I became enlightened to the situation, I gradually weaved my way through traffic until I was the lead car in the slow lane.. (Mr Occifer had tucked himself firmly into the highspeed lane, and was not budging) Side by side (we are back up to about 75 mph at this point) we approach a slower vehicle in the right lane, so I tuck in behind the cop and we make the pass. The Copper then reduces down to a slower rate of speed, while passing the several more slow vehicles... When clear, I merge back into the right lane... Now we both accelerate together, he is matching me..

We do this several times...

Accelerate....

BRAKE

Tuck in to the left

Make the pass

Merge Right

Accelerate

The guy in the car behind the officer, is dying to get around, but essentially too scared to make a move. He had several opportunities to make the pass, but always slowed when the officer slowed. I think Mr Smoky Bear was playing with these folks. So about the fourth time we did the tuck and pass maneuver, the guy following the officer decided he was not going to allow me to merge in behind the officer...

He closed in on the Cruiser and made some gesture at me thru his windshield....

The Occifer of the Law also noticed him doing this and lo, and behold... What does the Smoky Bear do???

Well folks, he throws on the Blue Lights, which immediately causes the fellow following him to reduce speed allowing a gap for me to safely tuck in behind the cruiser... Funny thing, the lights then were turned off and the Smoky accelerated to get passed all the slower traffic. When clear, I made the right lane merge and the Officer slowed a bit. As I pulled even with him, he looked over and gave me a HUGE smile and a little wave... Then he nodded and made a gesture for me to "Get on Down the road" At this point, we were both doing about 73 mph... I smiled and waved and accelerated... The Cop then slowed and of course everyone else slowed too. So now I pretty much have the entire stretch of road to myself.... The guy who had been following decides to make the pass to get around the Officer... He eased in the right lane, and never made the pass. The Officer rode beside him for some time....But the little silver car, never did make the pass.

Mr. Smokey Bear, you are my hero and I love you !!

If I Had a Hammer.... I'd Hammer in the morning....

I can not believe I did this....

I can not believe I am admitting to doing this....

Yesterday, my last delivery was relatively close to home... However, I was unfamiliar with this portion of Georgia. I was excited to be nearing the end of my work week and eager to see my little town...

When leaving the final destination, I headed back the way I had just come from to a little highway that would send me straight to the house.

Now where was that turn at???

Oh here it is... I saw a sign that read "Junction Hwy 16" I was assuming the Junction was at the light that the sign was posted on... So, I made the turn...

After a few hundred yards, I noticed that there was no HWY 16 West sign posted anywhere... I thought that was odd, considering there is always a sign posted to reassure you that you had made the correct turn... Undaunted, I never let up....

After a few miles, once again I thought something was just not right... This road seems to be a bit too narrow....

Whatever, I am heading home.......! Woooo Hoooooo

Maybe, I should have been more concerned, but OH NO, NOT ME!

So another five miles and the road has become frighteningly narrow, and less highway ish...

Now, I am showing slight concern

Hey, did that lady just look at me funny??

Then around the curve, the pretty asphalt gave way to a surface reminiscent of a rarely used county road that is not even on the Atlas...

Reminiscent HELL.. It was a rarely used county road not listed on the atlas.... YIKES!!

OKAY OKAY, just look for a place to turn this big SOB around!!

YEAH, RIGHT.

Next sign, Pavement Ends 1000 ft

So I stop....

What to do, what to do..

Well, there just happened to be a relatively flat field on my left, with a dirt driveway... But in between the road and the field was a nice little ditch of no more than 1 ft in depth.. And did I mention that the road is very narrow at this point!!

I proceed to back off the roadway into the drive.... This took great diligence and extreme caution!! After 3 or 4 attempts, I successfully steer the trailer into the driveway and proceed to back completely out of the road... But not before I slide of into the 12 in. ravine.... CRAP!!

I get out and look....DOUBLE CRAP.... There are 8 tires on the section that is stuck. And of the 8, only 4 produce the drive power and those 4 are completely suspended in the air...I locked in my differential, which transfer the pulling power to both axles and still cannot budge, I get everything I can find close by to place under the tires in an attempt to regain some traction... I mean everything... Rocks, load straps, 2x4s... (Glad I did not throw those babies away, which I normally do, when the trailer is empty)

Got some traction, but not enough... More stuff.... more more more... When I felt I had placed enough items under the tires, I used my little hammer to beat the 2x4s in as snug as I could get them....

SWEET VICTORY!!!!!!! I don't think the local cows had much faith in me, but they never said a word!!

I now had to reattempt the previous procedure, this time avoiding the ditch.... Ha Ha

I made the turn, got realigned and ventured back to where I had come from..... PHEW!!!!!

I came back to the original BIG highway where the sign had steered me wrong , and proceeded back to the interstate, which would have been 50+ miles further and led me straight into Rush Hour Atlanta!! At the next traffic light, I saw several signs for HWY 16...... Yes, I made the turn and shortly thereafter I was home!!

Whats even worse is that while I was stuck in the middle of God only knows where, I had absolutely no GPS signal on my Truck and no cell service.. The closest anything was several miles back and there was no way a tow-truck could have tugged me out of that predicament... IT could not have gotten around me for the ditches and trees and cud chewing cows behind the fence...

I wish I had taken some pics, but my train of thought at the time had nothing to do with blogging. Forgive me dear friends!!

Oh and when I finally got set free, I retrieved the straps, but forgot my little hammer...

I know where you are, little buddy and I am sure the cows will keep you company until someone finds you!!!

"Ladies" of the Night

Last week I stopped at a local Truck Stop in Mt Jackson, Va.

This particular truck stop usually has an abundance of parking spots available because it is not a Large Commercial Chain...

So I pull into my spot and settle in for the night...

When I awoke the next morning, I was a little concerned as to how I was going to get out of there.It seems that a few drivers got a little confused on where to park... The first row was full, so I opted for parking on the second row.. At some point during the night, a third row was created!! with no separation.

I cannot pull forward! I cannot back out!! After several moments deliberating what to do, I gather my nerves and proceed to awaken the driver who has parked behind me... "Sorry , buddy But you have blocked me in and you need to move!!"

Simple, Right??

Well, it should have been, but I am extremely cautious about knocking on Trucks during the middle on the night.. I will not, unless I absolutely have to!!

Why the hesitation?? Well, it is a well known fact that if someone knocks on your door during the wee hours of the morning, it is more than likely a prostitute.... While some of the drivers do not even attempt to get out of bed to answer the knock, the ones who typically do are either angry... or horny...

Not being a typical looking female Trucker, I have been mistaken for a "whore" on more than one occasion...

Oklahoma City, OK. I was harassed in broad daylight while walking from the store to my Truck. BY a POLICE OFFICER.... I later found out that particular location was a hotbed of sexual solicitation... I provided my ID, my Truck Keys and a description of my Truck, but it still took him several minutes to be reassured I was a driver!! I never stopped there again!!

Wytheville, VA- In my early years..... My CB radio had quit working and I was attempting my make my first trip to Connecticut.. I was scared to death!! Not knowing much about where I was heading, I wanted to make sure my CB was working... Driving thru a Truck Stop, I see a gentleman walking across the parking lot and I stopped the Truck. I jumped out and approached him, inquiring where I could find a CB Shop... He never heard a word I was saying, but rather quicken his pace, climbed in the truck and slammed the door in my face... I just stood there, DUH!!! Then he rolled down the window and stated very loudly " I am not interested!!!!" Interested in what?? Someone later told me, that I had been mistaken for a ho... Ohhhhhhhh.

There are more, but you get the idea

So needless to say, I rarely get out of my Truck at night, much less disturb another driver...Well, this time I did manage to get the driver to move without him assuming anything. I had my fourway flashers going which is a universal sign for "Backing Up" in parking lots... Before he could say a word, I said my piece and walked away.... I don't know what he thought, but after a few minutes he did manage to release me from my prison...

Bonus:

Know Your Trucker Lingo

Prostitute- also known as Lot Lizard, Recreational Reptile,Commercial Company and Little Fat Girl

To Everything Turn Turn Turn.......

I was recently asked a Truckin Question... (Thanks Sally, always fun to enlighten the masses!) So here I will begin the Q & A portion of my program..

In your response to your question, I can only offer my opinion...

UPS Semi Truck spinning wheels at the top of the exit ramp.... Hmmmmm. As disappointing as this may sound, the driver really had no options at this point except to call for someone to pull him forward out of his predicament.. Once a Big Rig loses traction, it is very hard to regain it without substantial help.. Some minor endeavors to alleviate the problem could have included #1. Snow shovels and salt.. Ultimately digging his way out of the slippery situation... #2. Rolling backwards in an effort to find more traction. This attempt seems to work occasionally, but only if there is no vehicles behind him... I feel pretty confident to say that He should not have attempted #2 on an exit ramp in traffic... I will also add that when rolling back and forth (to gain more traction) you have limited attempts to make it work, because the heat from the tires melts the snow and quickly refreezes into more ice... So typically, if traction does not present itself within 3 attempts, you will be forced to move on to plan B. Usually a tug from a tow truck!!

I myself have been in similar situations in the past.....

Last year, I was spinning wheels on an exit ramp in Virginia.. With every attempt to roll back and find more traction, I seemed to be sliding a little closer to the edge.. The edge was about a 4 foot downgrade, which would have surely resulted in an overturned Big Truck!! So after a few attempts, I gave up!! With microphone in hand, I began to plead for assistance over the CB radio.. Now, it was roughly 2-3am and traffic was very light at the time. Of course my fellow Truckers had put the word out that " There is a truck stuck on the Exit Ramp! Don't get off there!!" So they didn't.

After a long wait, one brave soul finally came to my rescue. He proceeded to pull past me on the ramp and found dry pavement at the top. Setting his brakes we then hooked chains to the front of my TRUCK... The first two attempts were futile... The chains snapped loose and my truck inched closer to the brink of disaster... Determined to help me, he wanted to try again... Third time was definitely the charm!!... He managed to get me to dry ground..

I thanked him profusely and was on my way!! But not before he told me that he had heard my pleas an hour earlier while heading north. After making his delivery and returning southbound, he had once again heard about the Truck stuck on the ramp...

Thank you!! MR TRUCK DRIVER!! You are my HERO!!!

Billy Goats Gruff

Okay so there are NO Trolls under the bridges. Such fairy tales and folklore I am not sure about. BUT, I do believe in Median Monsters. Although I have not seen one as of yet, they must surely exist.

In my last post I did a little bit of a rant trying to convince people to Get Out Of the Middle Lane. I really don't know why people hang out in the middle lane, unless of course they are afraid of these Median Monsters. Ditch Dwellers that live along the sides of 6 lane Interstates!! Of course, if you get too close to the edge of the roadway , they will reach out and get you!! That must be it!!!!! I know I pointed my finger towards the automobile drivers, but believe me folks, there are Truckers who do it as well ( and they know we are not allowed in the left lane).

Last week, while heading home, one such Trucker was cruising down the center lane at a leisurely pace. I myself, along with a few others, wanted to get on down the road for various reasons.. In the right lane was a slow moving camper that was weaving back and forth. Another reason I wanted to get the H out of dodge. No need in hanging around for the accident, RIGHT.
And of course, the little white signs were present indicating I would pay a hefty price for using that left lane.

So after SEVERAL miles, I key up my CB radio and politely say," Hey Werner, you think you could step to the right and let some of us pass. We sure would appreciate it, hon." The camper was beside me and there was nothing to the right of the Werner Truck, so he had the option to scoot on over. Nothing was said in return.. Several more miles of this and gradually the camper driver notices that the center lane is packed full of Big Trucks, so he starts flashing his lights at the WERNER DRIVER ( a universal gesture to indicate the lane is clear to move into)
Several more miles and the camper driver begins to ease off the throttle, allowing those of us trapped in the center lane to move over. As I begin to pass, the driver of said obstacle glances over at me and smiles flirtatiously. I just glare at him. As I move on down the road, a few other truckers ask what the hold up is and I politely inform them that there was a big truck holding up traffic but we were about to break free... Almost instantly, the villain of my story, the Werner Driver grabs his microphone and commences to cursing at me and boy did he let me have it... I was a bit shocked, after all I had politely asked him to move over!!! Needless to say, I did not have to respond, several others chastised him for speaking to me in such a manner.

But even after all the commotion, he sat right there in the middle lane, not a care n the world. However, he did continue to cuss out anyone who dared pass him on the right. So, do you think he has seen one of those horrible Median Monsters?? Sometimes I wonder.